Category Archives: you know…

What happens at home…

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I came home from Norway on the 18th. The day after yesterday Klara and I decided on going too see the new Harry Potter film. Yesterday I got a text from her saying that she hoped she didn’t interrupt me while watching the news.

I didn’t get it.

At the cinema I understood. Buildings blown up and youths shot. In the country of my father, in the country that has become home, a country where everyone should be able to feel safe. In a country that is so beautiful and where the people are so lovely.

Even though I knew, and still know, that I don’t need to worry about my family, because everyone is safe, I still manage too. I still haven’t been able to bare watching the news actively, all I can handle is small snippets here and there. And still, everything manages to move on as normal………

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I’ve been feeling rather down lately. Haven’t been to school as much as I should have. Instead I call in sick, get to school for a few classes and then I panic and I go home.

I actually have a perscription for anti-anxiety pills, but I scared to death by them. When the Doc handed me the perscription, he told me to be careful since these were some of the most addictive pills in the world. I seem to be one of those persons who gets addicted really easily, hence me being so scared. My dad thinks we should get them just so that I won’t have panicattacks that lasts for hours, but I would, honestly, rather deal with the anxiety, than another addiction.

Right now I should be getting ready for school, but all I want to do is sleep and read and do something unrelated to school. Even though there’s only 16 days left until graduation, I can’t seem to find any strength for these last two weeks. I have essays with missed deadlines that has to get written and handed in, but my concentration is down below 0 at the moment.

At least I’ve decided on going in to the library today. I always seem to be more concentrated there then here at home, where there are far too many distractions playing mindgames with me. Everything just feels like it’s so wrong, the weird feeling won’t move from my stomach.

My head is just filled with chaos and I don’t seem to have the ability to sort it all out.

Love & Blue suspenders //

– H

Don’t find reasons that aren’t there :)

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Okey, I have to admit to the fact that I’ve been pushing this infront of me for a long time now. Should have written about it ages ago, but I’m doing it now, only for you guys…

We’re talking about depression here, so here goes. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I am self-taught, so…

The basic symptoms of depression would be stuff like:

  • feeling down, alot
  • anxiety and/or panicattacks
  • eating too much or far too little
  • not being able to sleep
  • drastic change in moods. Feeling aggressive/irritated without really knowing why
  • not being able to concentrate

There are plenty more, but you get the point.

Picture found here

Now, I think that the biggest misconception about depression is that there has to be a cause. That something has to be wrong in school or at work, at home, or romantically. Wrongwrongwrong!

It doesn’t have to be. If you’ve been feeling a bit down lately, sure it’s a good place to start, but don’t stress yourself out with trying to find a reason. It could be psysical, so don’t try to change problems that don’t exist.Of course probems in school, work, romance, etc. might be a catalyst, but they don’t have to be the roots of a depression. From what I’ve gathered, alot of times depression takes it’s roots in the brains production (or rather lack of production ) of the chemicals, ex. seratonin, that makes us feel happy. That’s what drugs, like Prozac help out with, they trick the brain into making more happiness-chemicals.

Problem number 2, I think, is that depression has become a sort of stigma. We like giving the impression of feeling well, even to the extent were it makes us even more depressed. My father, when I was in my first major episode, used to say “Well, you’re 16, you’re young, you aren’t supposed to feel like this. Why do you feel like this?”

Being young isn’t the same as always flying around among pink clouds and swingdancing with yellow elephants and green happy hippos.

Picture found here

Problem number 3, according to yours truly, would have to be an over-use of the word depression. Alot of kids (yeah, I’m saying kids, because claiming you have a depression when you don’t, is childish), say that they have a depression after feeling down for a day. After crying when you fail a test. The words “I feel soooo depressed!” have become something we’re so used to, that we have problems asking ourselves how WE really feel. “Am I depressed?” is something that we no longer can think or say outloud because of the response you’ll get from your elders/parents/friends. We don’t want to talk about it, but instead we use words that we don’t really understand far too often.

Okay, I know I’m sounding a little bit like a bitch right now, so I’m just gonna stop my ranting. My personal experience will come up here sooner rather than later. Patience is a virtue…

Love and Blue suspenders//

– H