Category Archives: Life of H

Soooo, sometimes a girl just needs to ramble a bit..

But that’s okey, right..?

Song(s) of today

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I almost never remember too follow through on these sorts of things, but this is posted as a bit of a celebration… I got the top grade on my CAE! For the first time ever I had a feeling that I had managed well, and for once that good feeling in the gut was right 🙂

 

Fall Out Boy – The Take Over, The Breaks Over

 

Relient K – Up and Up

 

Things are kind of starting to feel alright. I’m moving soon ( signing the contract for my dorm room tomorrow), and I’ll be off to study about 300 kilometers north of where I live. But my mum says that I’m not moving out, I just won’t be home as much ^^

Love & Blue Suspenders//

– H

 

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What happens at home…

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I came home from Norway on the 18th. The day after yesterday Klara and I decided on going too see the new Harry Potter film. Yesterday I got a text from her saying that she hoped she didn’t interrupt me while watching the news.

I didn’t get it.

At the cinema I understood. Buildings blown up and youths shot. In the country of my father, in the country that has become home, a country where everyone should be able to feel safe. In a country that is so beautiful and where the people are so lovely.

Even though I knew, and still know, that I don’t need to worry about my family, because everyone is safe, I still manage too. I still haven’t been able to bare watching the news actively, all I can handle is small snippets here and there. And still, everything manages to move on as normal………

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I’ve been feeling rather down lately. Haven’t been to school as much as I should have. Instead I call in sick, get to school for a few classes and then I panic and I go home.

I actually have a perscription for anti-anxiety pills, but I scared to death by them. When the Doc handed me the perscription, he told me to be careful since these were some of the most addictive pills in the world. I seem to be one of those persons who gets addicted really easily, hence me being so scared. My dad thinks we should get them just so that I won’t have panicattacks that lasts for hours, but I would, honestly, rather deal with the anxiety, than another addiction.

Right now I should be getting ready for school, but all I want to do is sleep and read and do something unrelated to school. Even though there’s only 16 days left until graduation, I can’t seem to find any strength for these last two weeks. I have essays with missed deadlines that has to get written and handed in, but my concentration is down below 0 at the moment.

At least I’ve decided on going in to the library today. I always seem to be more concentrated there then here at home, where there are far too many distractions playing mindgames with me. Everything just feels like it’s so wrong, the weird feeling won’t move from my stomach.

My head is just filled with chaos and I don’t seem to have the ability to sort it all out.

Love & Blue suspenders //

– H

Webdesign and psychiatrists

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So, maybe school and I go together sometimes. Tuesday-mornings are not one of those times..

I have webdesign, which could be one of the ,ost meaningless classes a girl could have. I’ve learned stuff I could have learned of the internet, or from my friends. And since there’s always someone who’s too lazy to actually show up, most of the lesson ends up going through last weeks lesson, making all of us, if possible, more bored.

This is sad, ’cause it could have been a really interesting class. Now, not so much…

Yesterday I was free from school, which ended up with me missing a meeting with the board of one of the marching bands that I’m in. Not much of loss, since nothing’s actually up to us (the boardmembers). If the conductor doesn’t want to do something, it won’t. And that’s accepted, it’s just that I feel like we could accomplish so much, if only we were given the chance…

I might do a post on the depression later, depending on how I feel. Mom might be calling a psychiatrist later today, I’m a bit nervous about talking to someone I’ve never met. It feels like he/she will want to start digging deep at once. I have no problem with talking about it, it’s just that this would be agnolishing that there is a problem to be dealt with. Meh, to thing possitivly, maybe I can get some help with my psycology homework while I’m in session ^^ 

Love and Blue suspenders//

– H

Selfish much?

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I have this strong belief in being selfish. Isn’t there a point in doing what you want to do in the exact moment you want to do it..?

 

I, myself, don’t think that I’m selfish enough. I could do so many more things only because I want to. I don’t, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I did. Would my friends leave, or would they think I was better for it? What would my parents think?

 

Alot of people say that doing what you want isn’t selfish. I say it is. But I won’t condemn the ones who are strong enough to look to themselves for changes, strength and beauty. They are my rolemodels, the ones that I look to for changes, strength and beauty. And I sincerely hope that I’m on the right path to becoming more selfish.

 

Love and Blue suspenders//

– H

Norway, huh..?

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Yepp…

I could have stayed home to hang out with my girls, go to a smashing new years party to have a couple of beers and some bubbly and maybe get a new years kiss from some pretty boy, but no.

 

I went with my parents to Norway, because my psyke needed it…

I realised that when I was shopping with Elliot and I felt uncomfortable with going in to the crowded stores.. Anywhere else was okay, but not the popular stores where girls who are nothing like me were struggling to get to the best buys at the sales.

 

So, I told my parents that I would be coming with them, this leading to sore legs from laying crawled up while sleeping in the backseat, and a horrible experience with one of my contacs falling out, almost drying out completely and my mum coming to the rescue with finding my toilet-bag, so that I could get to my contact-fluid and the contact-case 🙂

 

Love and Blue suspenders//

– H

Computer-cables

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Today, I am..

1) Snowed in, which I am really not complaining about, though I would have liked to go to the two classes I have today.. But the first time I went to the bus-station, I stood in the cold for far too long and when it didn’t show, I thought “Well, even if it were to come, I still wouldn’t make it to class..”, so I went home and had a cup of hot coffee…

                        Now, when I went, it didn’t come either, so I went home again, altough no coffee once back. I get so shaky when I have more than two cups, because my cups are huge ^^ 

2) without my computer-cable… So I am writing this on my family-computer. It’s rather slow, even though it is quite new, and in my opinion, that’s quite sad… My own computer is not dead at the moment, but until I can get my hands on a new power-cable, it’ll be closed down, unless I need to send any documents from my own computer, do my mail, so that I can do homework, on this one (the Big computer) or on my mum’s computer (the Small one)

Love and Blue suspenders//

– H