Monthly Archives: February 2011

Don’t find reasons that aren’t there :)


Okey, I have to admit to the fact that I’ve been pushing this infront of me for a long time now. Should have written about it ages ago, but I’m doing it now, only for you guys…

We’re talking about depression here, so here goes. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I am self-taught, so…

The basic symptoms of depression would be stuff like:

  • feeling down, alot
  • anxiety and/or panicattacks
  • eating too much or far too little
  • not being able to sleep
  • drastic change in moods. Feeling aggressive/irritated without really knowing why
  • not being able to concentrate

There are plenty more, but you get the point.

Picture found here

Now, I think that the biggest misconception about depression is that there has to be a cause. That something has to be wrong in school or at work, at home, or romantically. Wrongwrongwrong!

It doesn’t have to be. If you’ve been feeling a bit down lately, sure it’s a good place to start, but don’t stress yourself out with trying to find a reason. It could be psysical, so don’t try to change problems that don’t exist.Of course probems in school, work, romance, etc. might be a catalyst, but they don’t have to be the roots of a depression. From what I’ve gathered, alot of times depression takes it’s roots in the brains production (or rather lack of production ) of the chemicals, ex. seratonin, that makes us feel happy. That’s what drugs, like Prozac help out with, they trick the brain into making more happiness-chemicals.

Problem number 2, I think, is that depression has become a sort of stigma. We like giving the impression of feeling well, even to the extent were it makes us even more depressed. My father, when I was in my first major episode, used to say “Well, you’re 16, you’re young, you aren’t supposed to feel like this. Why do you feel like this?”

Being young isn’t the same as always flying around among pink clouds and swingdancing with yellow elephants and green happy hippos.

Picture found here

Problem number 3, according to yours truly, would have to be an over-use of the word depression. Alot of kids (yeah, I’m saying kids, because claiming you have a depression when you don’t, is childish), say that they have a depression after feeling down for a day. After crying when you fail a test. The words “I feel soooo depressed!” have become something we’re so used to, that we have problems asking ourselves how WE really feel. “Am I depressed?” is something that we no longer can think or say outloud because of the response you’ll get from your elders/parents/friends. We don’t want to talk about it, but instead we use words that we don’t really understand far too often.

Okay, I know I’m sounding a little bit like a bitch right now, so I’m just gonna stop my ranting. My personal experience will come up here sooner rather than later. Patience is a virtue…

Love and Blue suspenders//

– H


Blog Challenge: 4. Write about your closest friend(s)


My closest friends…

Ellen, Adam, Julia, Veronica, Sandra, Malte, Stefan…

And that’s just a few, but those are the ones I trust the most.

Ellen: My best friend. We talk about all and nothing, important stuff, nonimportant stuff. Everything. I trust her, admire her… She’s so beautiful and brave and amazing and beautiful. She deserves only the best, and she makes me feel better when I’m down. Even though we live 20 minutes away from each other, we still send each other letters. Because finding a letter in the mailbox when you come home, a letter that’s only yours too read, that’s a great feeling… She gets that, in the same way that she gets me…

Adam: My best guy friend, or my best girl friend, whatever you want to call it. He’s great and I can tell him anything. He has the worst humor in the world, which is great, because so does the rest of our gang. I’m gonna miss the hell outa him when he gets in to Chalmers University and goes of too live with his girlfriend in Gothenburg. But if he’s happy, and Sofie is happy, I’ll be happy too. They might be the perfect couple and they’re both amazing. Too think that without the orchestra, and music in general, we wouldn’t have met…

Julia: Aka. Baby J… Without RSNCB we wouldn’t have met. If she and Jesper would have decided not to go to VMS (Vintermusikskolan, Wintermusicschool) we wouldn’t have met. Although she’s in the army now, we keep in touch by writing a journal that we send to each other. If she can’t come to a rehearsal weekend, we make sure that I have the journal, so that I and everyone else can write updates about what’s going on to her. And then she writes updates about her life. She might be the most peppy girl I know, she’s always jumping around in tights and far too big sweaters, hugging people and talking to every one. Amazing girl…

Veronica: Aka. Nica. The girl that I turned into a monster… No, just kidding, but before we met she was a little bit shy and now she’s, almost, a completely different person. We’ve been through so much toghether. Fights, mostly my fault, but we found each other again. Sometimes I rely on her a little bit too much, but I hope she knows that she can do the same any time…

Sandra: The one I see least of. I started my very first blog just so that we would be able too keep up with each others lives. I’ve known her since I was about 3, maybe 4. She lives soooo far away, and I miss her… She could possibly be the best student in the world. She went through something very alike to what I’m going through now and her comments are, among a few other things, what keeps me going through those dark days. She’s so supportive and always there.

Malte: Sandras younger brother and one of the best. He supports me, helps me through the rubble that is my life and let’s me change conversation topics far too quickly. Toghether we can go from talking about depression and feelings, boys (on my side) and girls (on his side) too making up drag queen alter egos for him (search for Helga Noodlebeard in a couple of years 😉 ). He’s been in my life for as long as I can remember, and until the age of 12, we were going to get married. Today we stick to innuendoes about how we could be friends with benefit. We always decide against that though. It would be faaar too weird..!

Stefan: The one I worry the most about. He’s a great guy who could really need a sleep schedule. He, according to me, has the worst taste in music, pumping techno from his phone, invading my computer with weird CDs. I haven’t seen him in so long and he lives in my town! School is really taking over his life. He says that he’s fine, I say get some sleep, so that you have energy too talk, play the trombone and be happy, dude. 🙂


There are so many more that I love, cherish and want to have around me at all times… But those really are the closest. The ones that I can talk too, scream at. Who still hugs me after I’ve been a bitch.

I love all of you!

Love and Blue suspenders //

– H

Blog Challenge: 3. My favorite TV-show?


There are two of them too be honest…

Criminal Minds and Gilmore Girls

I’ve been watching Gilmore Girls for years now, at least 4, maybe more… (That rimed!!!) It’s the best show ever and I’m sad that there’s only 7 seasons, but what to do..? 🙂

Criminal Minds started out as just another thing to watch at night, up in Norway when I couldn’t sleep last summer.. Ofc I’d watched the random episode here and there before, but I got hooked after that ^^

Is it wrong too have a little bit of a crush on dr. Spencer Reid? (A)

Love and Blue suspenders //

– H

Ps. I wrote a prolouge and almost 2 chapters of a book this morning.. Maybe all I need as inspiration is a night full of panicattacks, anxiety and school..? Ds.

Blog Challenge: 1. What’s my middle name(s)?


Alright, I found a blog challenge on a old friends tumblr, so here goes…


I have 3 middle names, 4 names total.

Hilda Elin Ulla Sofie

But since only the middle names count, then…


Elin – the name of the girl who was my fathers childhood sweetheart. Mum thought it was pretty, so it got to stick with me.

Ulla – the name of my granmother and the middle name of my mother. I don’t have any special emotions about it. If I ever have a daughter, she’s gonna inherit it too… Suppose I like it ’cause there’s a little bit of a “tradition” about it 🙂

Sofie – is my favorite, to be honest. It originally comes from my father wanting to name one of his children after his father, but since I’m a girl, he couldn’t give me the full name, so he kind of redid it into a girls version. Now, I wouldn’t have minded being named Sofus, since it’s one of the prettiest boys-names that I know of 🙂 but Sofie (with an unritten accent to the E) it is 🙂


Hilda comes from the fact that both my parents grandmothers (on the mothers side I think) was named Hilda.. Starting to sense a pattern here? ^^


Love and Blue suspenders//

– H